The Joker SUCKS at Basketball

Jeremy Watt
Feb. 23, 2021, noon
Posted in Sports

It has been apparent  as of late that many sports fans believe the Joker is one of the greatest basketball players in the NBA. This assumption comes from the Joker’s growing mass of points throughout this NBA season, scoring no less than 47 just last game. However, an in depth study into the Joker’s playstyle shows us that he may not be quite as skilled as you thought.

We first came to this conclusion by looking at not just the number of goals scored by Joker, but more precisely how he scored them. Closely examining the data we can see that Joker didn’t get these points through good offense, but rather bad defense. That’s right, the facts are clear that opposing teams are purposefully allowing Joker to score goals.

But why would opponents allow the Joker to score? Well, the answer isn’t quite so obvious. Our study shows that opponents of Joker have no natural incentive to give up points or lose games. This leads us to believe that there must be some additional incentives which may not be known to the public. Of course, the most likely scenario is that the Joker himself is offering to pay opposing defenders off for each point they allow. This is possible considering Joker is currently signed to a 148 million dollar contract over the course of five years.

The theory was confirmed when we reached out to the Joker for an interview just yesterday. The Joker responded with a single comment, here are his exact words:

“Ho ho ho. Yes I pay off the other teams, but I have no other choice since I am very bad at basketball.”

But that’s not all, we were also able to discover a deeper reasoning behind the Joker’s shocking secret. In an interview conducted last Wednesday, we were baffled to discover his true goal is to get more points than Ruby Gilbert.

Sources suggest that Gilbert is the true MVP of the NBA this year, as he has been outperforming the Joker in many ways despite all the sneaky tricks. Gilbert has much more superior style, sporting an epic beard, huge biceps, and a rock hard six pack. On the other hand, the Joker is very bald. A deep data analysis also shows that if it wasn’t for the Joker’s tricks Gilbert would have at least three thousand points this season, meanwhile Joker would have just seven.

In conclusion, the reality of this situation is clear. The Joker truly sucks at basketball, and is likely one of the worst players in the NBA. The unfortunate truth is that Joker can barely dribble using his left hand, let alone be the MVP for the 2020-2021 season.


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1 year, 5 months ago
I agree Steven curry is literally the best at basketball, what the heck are those players even?
2 years ago
I love basketballs
3 years, 4 months ago
Wow Gilbert is so good