Watt Report: Gnomes are Real, and Angry

Jeremy Watt
April 5, 2023, 1:59 p.m.
Posted in Watt Report

I hope everyone is doing well. This week I decided to cover a very important topic: Gnomes.

For years people have been denying the existence of gnomes. This is a result of the CIA and department of Homeland Security running a covert cover up operation. However, anyone who has done their own research know that these creatures have been living at large from the shadows.

Anyways, in a recent development the situation began to change. Last week we saw a strong increase in gnome sightings throughout the country. Even the public is beginning to recognize and accept their existence.

Take a look at a video which has been circulating online:

This alone makes it clear as day that gnomes exist. But why have they decided to reveal themselves now? Well, this is where things get serious.

Nobody can say for sure, but researchers speculate this uprising may be due to the recent indictment of former president Donald J. Trump. During his presidency, Donald Trump was known to collaborate frequently with the gnome population. People say he made the most deals with the gnomes since President John F Kennedy was assassinated.

Most famously, Trump was responsible for the passing of the Little Guy’s Act.  This bill made the enslavement of gnomes for garden work illegal, as well as the use of gnome corpses for decoration. Many news stations failed to report on this bill aside from the popular network known as Dramaalert, who was very supportive.

Along with the indictment of Donald, it is important to note that Biden has previously exclaimed plans on destroying gnome settlements. This is the case as gnomes have repeatedly refused to pay federal income tax. A few months ago, Biden even tore down a gnome village in Virginia to build an apartment complex. Long story short, the gnomes are angry.

Unfortunately, it is unknown how far the gnomes will go with their attacks. For now, they are simply revealing their presence. If the United States continue to apply pressure, the situation could escalate into a full-scale war. This is especially true if the gnomes gain support from the goblin community.

Of course, the goblins have been enemies with gnomes in the past due to the great war and siege on mars. However, recent gnome and goblin generations have acted much friendlier to each other. This is only logical due to their similarities as small, exiled creatures. An alliance between the groups would cause trouble.

For the time being I am urging my readers to stay alert. The reality is that you can never be too sure where these little guys will pop up. I would expect even more images and videos to begin circulating online in the coming weeks.

There is so much more to add to this story, but unfortunately, I am running out of time. Let me know your thoughts in the comments below, and maybe I do a follow-up story in the future.


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